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Austrian Folklore Museum, Vienna — October 2006
Vienna is full of wonderful things, but if I absolutely had to pick my favorite, it'd be the Austrian Folklore Museum. I had a really hard time cutting this gallery down to a reasonable number of photos; there were so many weird and fascinating things there, it was hard to omit anything...
Gah! Witch mask! I saw this thing in the very first room and knew this was going to be my kind of place. This museum is a little bit out of the way, and I suspect they don't get a huge number of non-Austrian visitors. The guys who were working there didn't speak much English (which is already a little weird for any big city in Austria or Germany) but they were very friendly and helpful, and even handed over their only English copy of the descriptions of all the stuff in the museum. Which was fine, 'cause we were the only visitors in the place, apart from one other guy who disappeared early on.
Well, damn. That's some mask. Incidentally, this is one of those museums that you might assume is super-tiny, from the description or from seeing just the first room or two, but it's actually a pretty huge place. I would love to spend another afternoon there and catch all the stuff I missed.
The book said this was, like, some sort of, uh, allegory... for... something? I forget.
I think this is The First Pretzel Ever (lower right), with two failed prototypes.
Austrian driftwood is the most dangerous driftwood in the world.
The thing that looks like a coffin lid is actually some sort of memorial plaque with information about the deceased.
Peehole cover — I mean keyhole cover. This is the kind of thing people would buy each other at Spencer Gifts in 18th century Austria.
I totally forget what these things were for! They were containers of some kind, for gunpowder, maybe? I just liked them because of the unnecessary decorative monster heads. There's a lot of that going around in the Austrian Folklore Museum.
This metal silhouette scene involved gears that made everything move, but it was just sitting still when we were there, sadly.
There were lots of beautifully decorated chests and dressers all over the museum. Most of them were insanely colorful and detailed, and a lot of them showed figures representing the four seasons on the four panels of the doors.
A lot of the pieces also had the twelve signs of the zodiac running around the edges of the doors.
No photograph could ever capture how insane and creepy these figures' eyes were...
This painting is called HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S JESUS!!!
This is definitely some Da Vinci Code shit right here...
Oh man, this thing was great! It's a carved wooden mechanical orchestra that went along with a carousel or something like that. The different figures represented different nationalities in Europe. I only remember a few of them, but check out the little basilisks or whatever in the front!
I remember the guy with the clarinet and blue uniform was a Frenchman, and the guy off to the right is supposed to be a German innkeeper demanding money. Of course, some of these stereotypes are pretty abstract to me, given the fact that they were relevant mostly to 19th century Austrians. Ooh, but check out the devil in the back there! His only animated part was his moustache, which slid from side to side as he played the panpipes. I should mention that this thing wasn't moving at all in its display case, but it's pretty easy to tell which parts do what.
The jerk in the top hat is supposed to be an American, and the lady next to him is English. The monkey is representing, like, Monkey Island or something. I'd like to point out that the monkey is the only one here who can read music. The devil looks like he was trying but then said screw it.
Bird costumes! A huge part of the museum's second floor was dedicated to an apparently-Austrian tradition of... birds in entertainment. There were lots of displays consisting of stacks of elaborate birdcages that people would carry around on their backs or cart around in big ridiculous bicycles, presumably for tips. I would totally prefer seeing these guys on the New York subway instead of the kids selling M&Ms.
An unexpected real human skull is always a bonus in my book.
That's quite a lot of birds on that gentleman's head.
I always loved making paper dioramas when I was a kid (instead of, you know, playing Atari or having friends or whatever) and if I'd gotten my hands on something like this it would have been my favorite thing ever.
OH MAN OH MAN, the last big room of the museum is filled with nothing but scary masks and costumes!!! I was really exhausted mentally and physically by the time we reached this room, but the sight of what lay inside totally woke me right up. I took a zillion pictures in here, but I've cut it down to six or so, so as to not drive you crazy.
How on earth can this stuff exist in a country that (like most of Europe) doesn't give a shit about Halloween?
This guy's in solitary confinement.
At first glance it looks like this dude just hastily ate somebody, but no, that's actually just a hand growing out of the side of his damn head.
It is so, so uncool that all of this stuff is behind glass and you and your friends aren't allowed to put on the masks and run around the museum like monsters.
That's, like, a real photo of Satan, I think.
Hooboy, I realize this was a lot of pictures, but you seriously don't know the half of it. Do not miss this museum if you're ever in Vienna. Next up, the globe museum! It's a museum... full of globes.
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